Secret Inauguration of Linda Jones, President of the USA

First, I’d like to thank the 80% of you who voted me into the esteemed service as your humble President of the United States of America.

Although your votes may not have registered in any of the proprietary, corporate-owned, computerized vote-counting machines known by the Federal Election Commission http://www.fec.gov/votregis/vendorslist.htm , I feel your votes in the air and in the soil as I tour this great nation of ours.

Tallying your honored votes in the imaginative quarters of my mind, it’s clear to all endowed with (un)common sense that the mandate of our government belongs to the forces of natural law and all those who respect our struggling communities, our great country and our fabulous planet.

Apparently we need more education in the obvious than we do examination of the obscure. OUR government is the citizens’ government. THEIR government is the corporate government. Corporations are machines, not citizens. Our government consists of men and women ruled by our conscience. Their government consists of men and women ruled by machines. This has been obvious - but often forgotten - since the First World War.

The great monopoly capitalist Joseph Stalin stated, “Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.” But I know that only those who follow their conscience decide anything. Those who follow orders decide nothing.

And when our conscious is in alignment with the natural laws that make themselves more obvious every day, our actions are as powerful as the winds and floods that humble the arrogant ways of bloated civilizations.

From those of you who’ve voted your conscious (or unconscious), I accept your nomination with humility, honor and trepidation as I look forward to the bizarre task of fulfilling America’s paradoxical destiny as great destroyer and great creator of freedom, justice and natural harmony for all humankind http://www.bfi.org .

Mindful that respect for minorities is essential to a balanced and fruitful democracy, in honor of the 20% of you who voted for the corporate status quo, I understand your fears of change, and promise to do my best in making the transition from America’s tedious corruption to natural decency as painless as possible.

Since I know of no “US government” court or congress that does not bend to the corporate politics of artificial money, I find myself accountable to no one but the laws of nature. I may have crowned myself “The Provisional Dictator of America” or “Napoleon W. Shrub II” or “Dick Hitler, Jr.” and appointed a gang of white-collar criminals to provide administrative (mis)guidance.

Instead, I’ve taken the liberty of appointing the following persons (or the creative spirits thereof) as the new Cabinet of the Citizens’ Executive Administration of the United States:

Secretary of Agriculture – Jeremy Rifkin
Secretary of Commerce – David Korten
Secretary of Defense – Jesse Ventura
Secretary of Education – Arianna Huffington
Secretary of Energy – Paul Wellstone
Secretary of Health & Human Services – Susan Sarandon
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development – Hazel Henderson
Secretary of Interior – Winona LaDuke
Secretary of Labor – William Foote Whyte
Secretary of State – Noam Chomsky
Secretary of the Treasury – Paul Glover
Secretary of Transportation – Hunter Lovins
Secretary of Veterans Affairs – John McCain
Ambassador to the United Nations – Jesse Jackson
Attorney General – Ralph Nader
Director of Central Intelligence – Quentin Terrantino
Director of Decentralized Intelligence – Ramsey Clark
Environmental Protection Agency – Berry Commoner
Federal Communications Commission – Jim Hightower
Federal Election Commission – Ron Daniels
Food & Drug Administration – Paul Newman
Press Secretaries – William F. Buckley Jr. & Gore Vidal
Secretaries of Disinformation – George Bush Sr., Bill Clinton & Dick Cheney

Furthermore, as money governs us all, we may as well recognize that those who issue and control currency are the government http://www.transaction.net/money/national/index.html . In the name of functional democracy, as my first Executive Order, I hereby grant all municipal governments within the boundaries of these United States, to issue legal-tender US Notes http://www.futurenet.org/2Money/Yes2TOC.html . These genuine US dollars shall be quantitatively issued in respect to the natural resources of each municipality minus its average ecological footprint http://www.rprogress.org/resources/resources.html .

As my second Executive Order, I hereby abolish all personal federal income tax and replace it with a national personal dividend, to be apportioned to each individual by their respective municipal government in accordance to such individual’s ecological footprint.

As my third Executive Order, I shall resign as soon as my first two Executive Orders are fully executed so as to attend to my duties as a mother and common citizen. Thereafter, should the American people still find any need for a federal US government, they may reconstitute the next administration and congress by simple, direct, paper-ballot voting as done in Switzerland and numerous other real, peaceful, prosperous democracies http://www.thealliancefordemocracy.org .

Once again, I thank the American people for granting me the opportunity to serve our great nation.

arch/ive/ief (2000 - 2005)